LONELY IN LOVE

Hi Ella and Suse,
I'm a 52 year old divorced mother of two who is facing the fact that both of my children have left home now and I'm in a long distance relationship with a man that doesn't have enough time for me.  He says he'll change but I don't think he can due to his work commitments.  When I visit him on weekends I need to spend quality time with him ... instead, I'm fit in where I can be and I'm just getting tired of it.  I know this relationship is an unhealthy one as my needs are not fulfilled, but it is hard to leave as I'd be completely on my own all the time.  Please help!
Lonely in Love
Dear Lonely in Love,
It sounds to us as if you need to make that leap away from this unhealthy relationship, and embrace your own company once more. This is a time that could be incredibly postive for you, a moment in your life for you to have your own life perhaps for the first time. We think that you should go off travelling by yourself, or set yourself up with a new business, or do all the things that you always wanted to do but never could. Take a leaf out of Rebecca Miller's The Private Lives of Pippa Lee, and nurture your inner rebel; turn your back on the man that isn't giving you what you need, and seek solace in your inner resources, and set off into the unknown.
If all that sounds a little too gung ho, sit down for a spell with Siri Hustvedt's The Summer Without Men. This novel will show you how rejuvenating a few months of sisterhood can be, providing a period of single-sex meditation in a life that has perhaps owed too much to the patriarchy. Once you finish the novel, you will know more which direction you want to go in yourself.
Yours, 
Ella and Suse
We prescribe - The Private Lives of Pippa Lee by Rebecca Miller
The Summer Without Men by Siri Hustvedt
  • I would also recommend “Love in the Time of Cholera” by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. It’s a amazing book!

    By Iwona on 10 Dec 2014

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A SLUG WITH VISIONS OF HUMANITYABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP ENDED, LEAVING SCARSADULT ACNEAFRAID OF FAILUREALCOHOLIC DAUGHTERALONE ON A WIDE, WIDE SEAAlways wanted to be a writerANOREXICANXIOUS ABOUT SINGLE FRIENDAT A FORK IN THE ROADAVID READER, LACKING BOOKBEREFT OF A CATBORED IN ALABAMABOTHERED AND BEWILDEREDBRAIN SHRINKING MOMMABROKENBROKEN HEARTBROKEN HEARTED - TORN BETWEEN MALE AND FEMALE BEST FRIENDSBROKEN UP WITH GIRLFRIEND; FEELING BURNT OUTCAN’T MOVE ONCANDIDA REVOLTAIRECan’t afford to go on holidayCAST ASIDECHEATEDCHRONIC PAINCOLD HANDS AND FEETCONCERNED ABOUT DAUGHTERCONFLICTED PARTNERSCRAVING FOOD CULTURECYNICAL STEPSONDAILY ABUSEDARK NIGHT OF THE SOULDEPRESSED AND UNABLE TO READDEPRESSED DURING CHRISTMAS, AND LONELY NOWDESPERATELY WANTON GIRLDIRECTIONLESSEASILY BORED WITH NOVELSEMOTIONALLY SABOTAGED BY MY MOTHEREMOTIONS IN EXTREMEEVER THE FRIEND AND NOT THE PARTNEREXTREME ANGER AND FRUSTRATIONFADING AWAYFALLEN OUT WITH MY FRIENDSFALLING IN LOVE WAY TOO FASTFAZED AND CONFLICTEDFEAR OF CONFRONTATIONFEAR OF GETTING OLDFERTILITY PROBLEMSFOMO (FEAR OF MISSING OUT)FORGING A BRIGHT NEW FUTUREFRIEND WHO HAS LOST A CHILD LATE IN PREGNANCYFRIENDS DAUGHTER LOST TO SUICIDEFrightened of lifeGAPING HOLEGetting over a break-upGIRL OF UNCERTAINTY, BOUND BY RULESGIRL WHO DOESN’T FIT INGRIPPED BY LOSSGUILTY FRIENDHOPELESSNESSHOUSE AND LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FIREI love music more than booksI no longer commute – and therefore I no longer readI PEEK AT THE END OF NOVELS BECAUSE I WORRY THE CHARACTER MIGHT NOT MAKE ITI wish I were famousIN MOURNING OVER LITERARY DEATHSINABILITY TO SIT STILL AND ANXIETYINCONSISTENT AND NON-STUDIOUS- BUT AMBITIOUS NONETHELESSINDECISIVEINSECUREINTERESTED IN EVERYTHING BUT ACHIEVING NOTHINGINVISIBLE WOMANITALIAN NOVEL CURESJILTED AND UNSUREJOB IN LIBRARY UNDER THREATKICKED IN THE HEADLEADENLIVING ON THE MARGINSLONE RANGERLONELY AND DEJECTEDLONELY IN LOVELONELY IN MONOTONOUS JOB, LOSING SANITYLOOKING FOR A SENSE OF PURPOSELOOKING FORWARDSLOSS OF A SISTERLOSTLOW WATTAGELOW-ENERGY PESSIMISMMAD SCIENTISTMARRIED TO A MAN, ATTRACTED TO WOMENMISSED THE BOATMISSING MY MOTHER-IN-LAWMUM GOING BACK TO WORKNEED TO LET GONEW CITY, NEW LIFE -BOOKS FOR 12 YEAR OLD BOY?NEW FRIENDSHIP WITH HOLOCAUST SURVIVORNIGHTMARISH COLLEAGUENOMADIC FLANEURPOST NATAL DEPRESSIONPREGNANT AND ALONE