FERTILITY PROBLEMS

Dear Ella and Suse,

My husband and I are currently going through fertility struggles. We've been trying to conceive for about a year and a half with no luck. I'm convinced that I'm the problem, and he's convinced the problem lies with him. It's causing tension between us as we wait for our appointment with the fertility specialist. We would very much like to have a family, and neither of us ever considered the possibility of fertility problems, or realized that trying to conceive can be the emotional roller coaster it's been.
Thanks so much.
Dear struggling couple,
This is an immensely difficult situation to be in, and you are clearly both being very open and lovely to each other while blaming yourselves for this issue. Of course, neither of you are to blame, and you must try your best to go with the flow and accept the future as it comes to you. There are several novels that can help with this moment in your life, by giving you characters who are in the same situation as you, and also by showing you that going ahead without children can be a life-embracing future as well, should that be the case. The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger is a novel that deals with fertility problems in an unusual way, which is one in which the embryo cannot stay in the womb because it is a time-travelling embryo - strange, but believable in the context of the novel! The parents are desperate for children, and we won't reveal what happens, but they do find resolution and a positive future. Another lovely book that investigates these issues, is Love Nest, by Julia Llewellyn, and this very sensitively deals with one woman's search for a way to have children.
At this juncture in your life it would also be very therapeutic to read a novel in which couples thrive without having children. One such is Tom Robbins' delightful and exuberant Jitterbug Perfume, which describes the nearly 1000 year relationship between Alobar and Kudra - it's magic realism, but their romantic commitment is rooted in the tangible world. It's also a book that makes you feel anything is possible. Daphne du Maurier's Rebecca is another great book that brings to life a couple who don't have children, and accept their complex fate with equanimity - you would find this a cathartic read. The notion of guilt and blame is explored here in relation to the dead Rebecca, but we hope that you can apply du Maurier's wisdom to yourselves - give yourselves a break, and embrace your future together.
Yours,
Ella and Suse
We prescribe - The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
Love Nest by Julia Llewellyn
Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins

TWEETS
@THENOVELCURE

A - Z
LIST
OF QUESTIONS

A SLUG WITH VISIONS OF HUMANITYABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP ENDED, LEAVING SCARSADULT ACNEAFRAID OF FAILUREALCOHOLIC DAUGHTERALONE ON A WIDE, WIDE SEAAlways wanted to be a writerANOREXICANXIOUS ABOUT SINGLE FRIENDAT A FORK IN THE ROADAVID READER, LACKING BOOKBEREFT OF A CATBORED IN ALABAMABOTHERED AND BEWILDEREDBRAIN SHRINKING MOMMABROKENBROKEN HEARTBROKEN HEARTED - TORN BETWEEN MALE AND FEMALE BEST FRIENDSBROKEN UP WITH GIRLFRIEND; FEELING BURNT OUTCAN’T MOVE ONCANDIDA REVOLTAIRECan’t afford to go on holidayCAST ASIDECHEATEDCHRONIC PAINCOLD HANDS AND FEETCONCERNED ABOUT DAUGHTERCONFLICTED PARTNERSCRAVING FOOD CULTURECYNICAL STEPSONDAILY ABUSEDARK NIGHT OF THE SOULDEPRESSED AND UNABLE TO READDEPRESSED DURING CHRISTMAS, AND LONELY NOWDESPERATELY WANTON GIRLDIRECTIONLESSEASILY BORED WITH NOVELSEMOTIONALLY SABOTAGED BY MY MOTHEREMOTIONS IN EXTREMEEVER THE FRIEND AND NOT THE PARTNEREXTREME ANGER AND FRUSTRATIONFADING AWAYFALLEN OUT WITH MY FRIENDSFALLING IN LOVE WAY TOO FASTFAZED AND CONFLICTEDFEAR OF CONFRONTATIONFEAR OF GETTING OLDFERTILITY PROBLEMSFOMO (FEAR OF MISSING OUT)FORGING A BRIGHT NEW FUTUREFRIEND WHO HAS LOST A CHILD LATE IN PREGNANCYFRIENDS DAUGHTER LOST TO SUICIDEFrightened of lifeGAPING HOLEGetting over a break-upGIRL OF UNCERTAINTY, BOUND BY RULESGIRL WHO DOESN’T FIT INGRIPPED BY LOSSGUILTY FRIENDHOPELESSNESSHOUSE AND LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FIREI love music more than booksI no longer commute – and therefore I no longer readI PEEK AT THE END OF NOVELS BECAUSE I WORRY THE CHARACTER MIGHT NOT MAKE ITI wish I were famousIN MOURNING OVER LITERARY DEATHSINABILITY TO SIT STILL AND ANXIETYINCONSISTENT AND NON-STUDIOUS- BUT AMBITIOUS NONETHELESSINDECISIVEINSECUREINTERESTED IN EVERYTHING BUT ACHIEVING NOTHINGINVISIBLE WOMANITALIAN NOVEL CURESJILTED AND UNSUREJOB IN LIBRARY UNDER THREATKICKED IN THE HEADLEADENLIVING ON THE MARGINSLONE RANGERLONELY AND DEJECTEDLONELY IN LOVELONELY IN MONOTONOUS JOB, LOSING SANITYLOOKING FOR A SENSE OF PURPOSELOOKING FORWARDSLOSS OF A SISTERLOSTLOW WATTAGELOW-ENERGY PESSIMISMMAD SCIENTISTMARRIED TO A MAN, ATTRACTED TO WOMENMISSED THE BOATMISSING MY MOTHER-IN-LAWMUM GOING BACK TO WORKNEED TO LET GONEW CITY, NEW LIFE -BOOKS FOR 12 YEAR OLD BOY?NEW FRIENDSHIP WITH HOLOCAUST SURVIVORNIGHTMARISH COLLEAGUENOMADIC FLANEURPOST NATAL DEPRESSIONPREGNANT AND ALONE